sometimes i don't like being an adult...

...like when i become suddenly aware that i need to grow up and take care of things on my own. today's unwanted adult moment was finding mouse droppings in the drawer below my stove and on the windowsill in my living room and chewed up bags of food in my pantry.
realization: i don't have my dad here to set traps.
realization: i don't have my dad here to clean up the remains.
realization: i have to do things on my own.

reaction: tears.

yeah, i'm not quite so sure i want to grow up just yet.  i think i'll go have 5 guys for dinner.

diy

spring makes me super excited for the wonderfulness that is summer break. though i know i'll stay busy working, nannying my little cousin, and traveling, summer still allows SO much more time for fun things like crafting and DIY projects.  mostly, it's an opportunity for me to revamp my apartment.  i've already mentioned redoing a chair for my bedroom, but i have a few more things in my queue:

Like a variation of this yarn wreath from here

and a repurposed scarf like the one here

and a diy headboard for my bed

there are a couple other projects i need to dig out of the depths, but maybe they'll become something different altogether! 

p.s. on a similar note, i have a new obsession with pinterest, which is basically an online swatchbook of ideas, images, books, anything. if you're not on it yet, get on it! it's still in beta, but i have a couple of invites to share. as a lover of all things pretty, it helps feed my obsession with living in a beautifully lit, pretty thing-filled fantasy world. 

a new year.

it just so happens that my break may have been too good. so good, in fact, that i even said a tearful goodbye to north carolina (and my parents), and i didn't exactly want to come back to colorado. i know...weird. it wasn't so much that i wanted to stay in nc, but i think it was more that i'm not quite sold on having found my place at CSU. moreover, being home sent me into an existential crisis where i realized that my research interests do not necessarily determine a career path. more than anything else, the break solidified the fact that 2011 is going to be a big year for me.

so in good new year's fashion--and better late than never--i've come up with a few goals for the year.
- take at least 3 long ski weekends and ski at least 20 days this season
- learn to knit socks (i'm starting a 4-week class on the 20th!) and keep working on other knitting skills
- read at least 5 books off my bookshelf before buying something new
- remember to take reusable bags to the grocery store/target--i have them and MUST use them!
- figure out a plan for this summer (preferably with pay!)
- train for and run the bolder boulder over memorial day weekend
- research and apply for ph.d. programs for the 2012-2013 academic year
- get music back into my life (would it be cliche to pick up ukulele?)
- continue using my camera, cooking, designing, and writing (yes, that means blogging...)
- love being 23, have fun, make new friends, keep the old, and be happy!

i feel like these goals are generally attainable....the bolder boulder is going to be a stretch, but as long as i really try, i know i can do it.

a great day

i know, i know...i've been horrible with my posts. this week i've been dealing (quite frustratingly (is that a word?)) with red paint in an attempt to finish my apartment before classes begin. EEK! however, despite the lack of blogging, quite a lot has been going on.

1. i've made many friends who are all in my cohort at CSU - i think i even have more than i can count on 2 hands! wahoo!
2. my onyx band has collapsed somehow, so now i'm typing with a naked right ring finger as the ring is en route to my mother in NC.
3. so far i am loving my assistantship work, and i'm particularly excited about having a VERY legit office for this year!
4. i have a babysitting job on my calendar and (hopefully) have another job in the works!
5. i'm finally a legit CO resident as i received my driver's license in the mail today.

as for everything else, i have my departmental orientation tomorrow and then the real deal that is classes begins monday. this weekend will include red paint, coffee with a soon-to-be friend (more on that later), and lots of dancing at new west fest!

new life?

so...it's funny to think that i seemed to find more time to blog in my student life than i have so far in my alum life. the last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, and a lack of emotions, but mostly just a whirlwind. i finished all my classwork, and said goodbye to my undergraduate experience. the graduation festivities were perfect: class day was stunning, commencement was beautiful. it's hard to believe that they've come and gone, but looking at pictures is a reminder of their occurrence.

since classes ended, i've been working and moving and running around like a wild woman. my gorgeous friend carol was married the weekend after graduation, which was such a fun time with friends. then i moved out of my sweet little apartment, and bid farewell to my life at MC.

now, i'm getting settled into what life will be like for me this summer. juggling work and weeding through all the junk i've acquired in the last 4 years. currently, i'm wishing for some sunshine, because it's been extremely rainy and gray since graduation weekend. i've been working lots on my photography, and getting lots of inspiration for decorating my apartment in fort collins. i think this picture will be the basis for all my color decisions in the apartment. i'm so excited!

april, oh april

it's that time of year where i'm essentially running on caffeine, adrenaline, and the constant reminders of my calendar. however, this year is different in that graduation is SERIOUSLY just around the corner. it's crazy to think that 28 days from today...err yesterday...i'll be walking across the amphitheatre at Meredith to receive my diploma.
in 28 days, i will have sat in the amphitheatre with a crowd twice to celebrate the accomplishments of my fellow students and my class.
in 28 days, i will have completed my thesis and presented it twice--at CPC and at CSA.
in 28 days, i will have wrapped up all my research assignments and lingering bits of work.
in 28 days, i will have shared many, many more laughs and fun times with my friends.
in 28 days, i will have finished my undergraduate career.

i've been thinking that i'm really ready to graduate and move on; however, the closer it gets to that day, the sadder i become to be leaving this place. i know i'm prepared, i know i'll succeed, and i know i'll love colorado. however, nothing will ever replace meredith. nothing will ever bring back all the moments i've had here. nothing in colorado will be quite like the little southern all-women's college i have attended. all i'll have left of meredith is wonderful friends, sweet memories, and everlasting nostalgia.

so for now, the amphitheatre awaits these events and the craziness that is the next 28 days. and i think i'll do the same.

moving on...

today was a day filled with messages of "moving on". this morning, maureen hartford, the president of meredith college, announced that she would be retiring following the 2010-2011 school year. i received the email via blackberry while i was at preschool, so i read it while i was walking to my car at the end of the school day. reading the email in a setting almost entirely separated from mc, i felt very neutral feelings toward this announcement. i have always held a sense of endearment for dr. hartford. having spent various occasions chatting with her on both academic and personal levels, feel that i've always respected her as the president of our college and i have been able to appreciate the fruits of the progress she has brought for our school. however, knowing that i will be long gone by the 2011-2012 (EEEEK!) school year, i didn't really feel the need to freak out about the announcement. i  know that our school is on a good track and will continue to move forward positively into the future.

returning to campus and logging on to twitter and facebook, i was able to get a grasp on other students' reactions toward dr. hartford's retirement. although i wasn't surprised, i was certainly outraged to see students rejoicing to the heavens over this announcement. while i can certainly respect my classmates' opinions, i do not endorse their outward praise for this news. in my mind, these students are discrediting their own degree and education by discounting the abilities of the administration during their time here at meredith. and, while this is their loss, i can't help but be upset by the insensitivity, closed-mindedness, and negativity. i know without a doubt in my mind that i have received an outstanding education during my time at meredith and i look forward to taking what i have learned out into the world when i graduate. i also know that the changes made during dr. hartford's presidency have greatly impacted that excellent education i've received. there are always going to be things with which we disagree; however, it is necessary to do something about our concerns rather than simply griping and continuing the negativity.

so, with that said, i am proud to have been a student at maureen hartford's meredith college and i know that this announcement will bring many more changes, but hopefully meredith will only continue to progress and move forward, challenging the norms and staying strong as a southern women's liberal arts college.

dr. hartford is moving on and so am i, as i was reminded this afternoon when i received my housing intent form for the 2010-2011 school year. i still don't know where exactly i'll be living next year or what i'll be doing or whether i'll be in school or working, but i know that i will be moving on from here and starting a new chapter. it's scary, but it's exciting, and i know my time at mc has prepared me for all that i have ahead of me.

the little things...

something about this little teabag message just spoke to me today. seeing as i have a sore throat, cold on the rise, and various other ailments, i think i needed that little bit of wisdom.

so much more fun than school work...

i've been on a knitting kick lately. probably because it's a good procrastination tool, but also because it's served as a very good stress-reliever over the past few weeks.

this will someday (it's moving very slowly...) become a funky neck-warmer. i'm currently working on learning to make buttonholes. hopefully it'll be fun. and not ridiculous looking.

i also would like to mention that i greatly appreciate the sunlight that comes into my room during the morning...and how nice it has been to use that sunlight on a snow-day morning. i'd be okay if the snow days (or at least snow mornings) continued through the week.

oh yeah...my blog...

okay so, i know i said i was going to blog more in 2010, but things have been nuts. however, in the midst of my life becoming crazy with work and school and grad applications and getting sick on top of all that, i have done a decently excellent job of working on my resolutions--and i didn't even know it, really!

so...in the past two weeks:

- my friends and i celebrated carolyn's birthday with a KILLER hipster party, which was super fun. and really good times with the friends. (resolution 1!)

- i've been cooking some really delicious dinners including this one from the latest Real Simple mag. and i've been eating vegetarian only...and that hasn't included pasta in a really long time, so that's a major improvement from my usual veggie self. (resolutions 3 & 4!)

- and friday i submitted my application to the Family & Developmental Studies masters program at Colorado State. i really can't anticipate my likelihood of getting in...but going into this program in Fort Collins would be an absolutely ideal next step for my academic career, so i'm going to be keeping my fingers crossed for that one. (resolution 2 CHECK! and still working on 7!)

as for the camera, that's where i'm still lacking most. i'm very much looking forward to some free time and some sunnier days so that i can get out and take some pictures. but i'm still fiddling around with my beautiful camera as much as possible and will be working on the daily camera usage as much as i can!

and there should be some pictures coming soon of the beautiful children i'll be keeping this week while their parents are in key west. my mom says that they were raised as meredith angels since their mom is a staff member here--even if they are boys!

happy week. and i leave you with a shot of my amazingly cool and wonderfully hip friends.

delicious

tonight, my dear friend Adam came over to fix (and eat) dinner. we've known each other since we were in sunday school together in 4th or 5th grade. and were inseparable and up to major mischief in middle school. and have somehow always kept up throughout high school and college, despite the fact that he goes to App.

one reason why i appreciate Adam is that he knows that i've bounced around with vegetarianism, and is totally into trying new delicious vegetarian dishes with me. so, when he requested that we cook dinner in and cook something meat-free, i was totally game...especially since it pushed me toward a couple of my 10 for '10 goals.

Adam and i fixed a delicious dinner--crispy black bean cakes--paired with some guacamole i whipped up and some greek yogurt (my personal favorite alternative to sour cream). we tied everything together with a side of an easy salad and some 2 buck chuck. it was absolutely delicious. and a meal i will definitely fix again. and best of all, adam let me be a little dorky so that i could take a picture of my plate! yum.

10 for '10

one thing i've always struggled with is making short-term realistic goals. i've decided that it would be to my advantage to determine 10 things i'd legitimately like to accomplish in 2010 and to really work on accomplishing them (really in no particular order). so, as the door opens to 2010, here are some things i'd like to do in order to help myself be the best possible marie--not just at the start of this year, but at the start of this decade..

1. to spend as much time as possible with my family and friends who mean the most to me.

2. to apply to graduate school. at least at colorado state. and hopefully get in.

3. to decide whether or not to be a vegetarian again...and stick with it.

4. to continue creating new, delicious dishes. and eating delicious things.

5. to participate in some sort of physical activity at least twice a week, preferably more.

6. to laugh as much as possible.

7. to move to colorado (or definitely out of raleigh...but preferably to somewhere in colorado).

8. to take as many pictures of everything as much as possible.

9. to continue working on finding a balance between my type A and type B personalities.

10. to be as positive and happy as i wish others would be. and to surround myself with the things and people who will help me to be positive and happy.

happy 2010!

my special place

the greenway at meredith college is my solace. i am totally a nature girl, and a good walk outside is one of my absolute favorite things in the world. this particular trail goes all the way to cary, actually, but i usually spend about 45 minutes walking and go across the pedestrian bridge to the art museum park.  

sometimes there are many other things i should be doing, but i'm one who nees to take care of myself before i can do anything for anyone else. so, with a weekend with close to zero free time ahead of me, i needed that hour outside today. it gave me a moment to forget all the things i have to do this weekend and even where i was. 

today's was probably one of the most beautiful greenway walks i've had yet--the trees were SO green, the sky was SO blue, the 70ish degree temperature was ideal, and everything was truly fluorishing. i also forgot my ipod since i went straight from class, and i think it made the walk better, because i was not distracted from the beauty of the day. it was incredible. a piece of raleigh that is often forgotten, and it really shouldn't be. for all the times i say i want out of raleigh, this one piece will be missed because of its true beauty any day of the year.

so, if anyone has even 30 minutes to spare this weekend, i'd definitely encourage you to take a little walk. it'll be worth it.

Before the end of the semester...

...i must 

- write two 5 - 8 page research papers

- write 3 reflection papers

- write 1 additional term paper

- shoot 5 rolls of film and print 9 photos for 2 projects

- and take 2 tests.

oh and that doesn't evnen take into consideration the mass amounts of reading all on top of any prep for denmark. 

furthermore, have i mentioned that after today there are only 15 days of class? that's scary.

rainy days simply do not bring out the best in me. nor do they motivate me to do anything.

mr. sun, sun, mr. golden sun, please shine down on me. please?

dear black & white phography,

i really love you. truly, i do. but sometimes you tend to make me crazy.

today i spent 5.5 hours in the dark room. that's a lot. and in those 5.5 hours, i probably walked out of the darkroom to look at my prints and do other random related things approximately 50 times. with those 50 times, my eyes had to adjust to the new light--once when i stepped out of the darkroom and again when i returned. that's at least 100 corneal aperture adjustments. open-close, open-close, open-close, over and over again. now they burn. not to mention all the airborn chemicals associated with photographic printing that have reached my eyes. they hurt. hopefully it'll be worth it, assuming my [3, yes only 3...] prints are bangin'. 

additionally, it makes me sad that i don't have a scanner with which to upload those images to my computer. some day, my father will have to help me with that task. however, for now, i must go without showing my friends these images, which i believe are quite fabulous. 

so with that said, i promise to endure the rest of this semester. i also promise to eat lots of carrots so that my eyes will endure, too. 

love always,

marie, your dedicated amateur artisan

boredom?

yes, i got a little bored with the blog...so i changed. surprise!

mad props to suckmylolly.com for the template  :)

sometimes it's just easier to give in...

so, facebook has had a viral note going around lately requesting 25 random facts about myself. then i'm supposed to tag 25 people in that note (which, for me, is a quite daunting task itself) in hopes that those people will share 25 random facts about themselves. while i hate giving in to tasks such as these (like all the awful chain-emails my grandma forwards to me...miserable!), this one seems like a good exercise in happy, thoughtful reflection. SO, here goes. It'll be repeated on facebook. 

1. i am absolutely, 100% determined to move to colorado when i graduate from meredith.
2. i adore my parents, no matter how much we may fight sometimes, i still am extraordinarily grateful for the fact that i have such great parents.
3. i wish i had become friends with my brother sooner in life, but i'm so glad that we're as close as we are now.
4. i judge potential relationships with boys on whether my cousins would approve or disapprove of them--it matters, promise.
5. i love psychology, would not change my major in a million years, and cannot wait to pursue a further more concentrated career in psychology. 
6. i am obsessed with my photography class and will buy a DSLR as soon as i can justify spending that money. it'll be soon.
7. i love children because they can always make me smile.
8. i have an obnoxious laugh, but i like it.
9. my client in the autism program brings ridiculous amounts of joy to my life, no matter how much working with him may be a self-injurous behavior. i'll probably cry for weeks when i leave meredith and don't see him almost daily. 
10. i want a kitchen desperately.
11. i love vegetables. maybe even more than i love fruit.
12. i'm really bad at listening to lyrics to songs. i'm just very into the music. like with ben folds, my favorite thing is to sing along to his piano rock-out solos. same with the guitar solo in joker by steve miller.
13. i wish i could play guitar and i will learn someday.
14. i love being an overachiever, but i also wish i didn't care so much so that i could spend all day reading or being outside or learning to play guitar.
15. i love the fact that i was born in new mexico because i'm a rare breed, especially in nc.
16. i hate when people call me maria or mary. it's clearly not my name.
17. i love snuggling.
18. i wish i had more opportunities to sing.
19. i really like my green eyes.
20. i still think i have blonde hair, but know i don't.
21. i want to run a half marathon someday. i have a long way to go, though.
22. i never in a million, trillion, gazillion years thought i'd be one with a tattoo. things change. mine's not trashy.
23. i'm very ocd about how i take notes and the way my things are organized. but i'm not a neat person.
24. i get really annoyed with misspellings and bad grammar. especially from adult professionals. and from college students.
25. meredith college has given me the opportunity to meet some of the best friends i will ever have. and i am extremely grateful for that.

so. in light of number 12 and my difficulty in listening to lyrics....here are some. this is what i'm listening to right now. too bad i can't lyricize the instrumental parts.

"I stay focused on details 

it keeps me from feeling the big things 
but watch the microscope long enough 
things that seem still are still changing"

-- Ben Folds

moving away...

i just read a chapter for my "theories of personality" about karen horney and her theories. one of her main points in her theory is about three interpersonal orientations as related to conflict--moving away from people, moving against them (in hostility), and moving towards them (searching for love). in reading and reflecting on this chapter, especially with recent some of my own recent life events in mind, i began to think about which of these interpersonal orientations i best identified with. 

i see myself as someone who moves away. 

i've discovered that i am a retreater. 

i make the attempt to avoid conflict at all costs.

i avoid conflict. 

i hate drama. 

when i am in any type of conflicting relationship or a situation where i feel like i will not succeed, i tend to withdraw myself, moving away from the problem. to me that situation is best because i am given the choice of whether i want to sacrifice myself to the conflict or whether i want to seek freedom and remove myself from the conflict. 

the part of this concept that worries me is that horney says that a healthy person should be able to balance all three of the interpersonal orientations based upon a situation, but i fear that i move away from a situation far more often than i move toward or against it, offsetting that bit of balance, and separating me from the other people around me. moreso, i can recall the numerous times where i have justified to myself that becoming detached from a problem, which most often meant detaching myself from those people, will solve the problem at hand. sometimes it makes things better. more often it makes them worse. 

whether this trait is a strength or a fatal flaw, i don't know. am i a coward? i'd like to think not. i think i just make the choice to remove the conflict from my life. i think that i have other, more important things to be worried about. that's debatable though. however, i do know with certainty that traits tend to stay with us for life. so this one, i'm probably stuck with. but that doesn't mean i can't work on it, and try to rise to the challenge. being proactive is something i strive for when i give people feedback in the meredith autism program, so why not strive for it in everyday life. 

i love studying psychology because it helps me to understand myself a little more every single day. 

"Underground, underground, ooh
Everything's heavy underground
you been kicked around
did life bring you down here?
Everything's heavy underground"

-- Ben Folds Five

once upon a time

it's so hard to believe that 2008 has nearly come and gone. i'm also pretty sure that this is among one of the most monumental years in my life thus far. i've come to know who i am--and who i am not--much better than i did 12 months ago. evidence of that enlightenment can be seen among my twenty-some posts that have been made since i started this blog.

i also finally accomplished (or began accomplishing) a new year's resolution i've had for the past several years, which is to learn to run. i'm by no means a marathon runner yet, but i've certainly reached the point where i CAN run a mile. i'm proud of myself.

so, here are a few of my resolutions for 2009. we'll see how i do.
- lead a healthier lifestyle [have less stress, eat healthier (lots of veggies, and less meat!), exercise at least 3 times a week, hopefully more, and sleep way, way, way more]
- continue my self discovery and continue striving for independence
- learn to play guitar

happy new year!!!!! may 2009 be your best, most fulfilling yet!

"We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne."