1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.)
2. to think of with a sense of loss: to regret one’s vanished youth.
-noun
3. a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.
4. a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.
"regret." Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary. MICRA, Inc. 02 Jul. 2008.
The word REGRET has been at the forefront of my thoughts over the last few days. I can’t say exactly what situation in particular brought this word to mind, but it has really seemed to be a pressing issue in all the contemplations my mind has made recently. There are several situations that can cause regret. In a more shallow and “of late” situation, one may experience regret (along with a hangover) after a night of heavy drinking. Well, I’m not going to lie, I have experienced that type of regret in the past week; however, my thought processes have been geared towards a deeper sense of regret.
My dad has always told me that one of his greatest regrets in life is not having finished his graduate degree. I've been told all throughout my two years of college that "college graduates often say that their greatest regret in their college career is not having studied abroad". People regret relationships--the way relationships turned out or ones that never actually occurred.
Lately, as in over the past several years that I’ve been spending time in Colorado, I’ve told myself that no matter what I really want to end up living in Colorado for at least part of my lifetime. Well, I've also told myself (probably for longer) that I want to pursue psychology and to work with children with Autism, and I've learned more recently that in order to work with children with autism at the capacity in which I wish to do so, it is necessary for me to have my Ph.D.. Well, there is no doubt in my mind that the ideal time for moving to Colorado and for pursuing my graduate degree happens to fall during the exact same time frame--directly after I graduate from college. This presents a huge problem.
Unfortunately the graduate program I've always said that I wanted is not available in any schools in the state of Colorado--trust me, I've researched it liberally. Therefore, I'm almost coming to the conclusion that I need to either choose Colorado or Ph.D.. Or could I take a year or two off from school, move to Colorado, be a ski bum, and then go back to school. But then, would I really end up going back to school? How realistic is that situation? So then I had this crazy dream last night where I ran into my MAP client's mother in some store (target maybe?) and we started talking and she kept urging me to go to school and pursue my Ph.D.. Was this a sign? I really don't know what to think.
IT SUCKS. There's no other way to describe this conclusive decision I'm having to make. I know I don't have to make this decision so soon, but I also So in weighing these two options, I have to really think about what will make me happiest in the long run. I feel like there are two very different Maries--the Colorado Marie & the Meredith College Marie. At what point do these two Maries converge and become the one ideal and happy Marie.
Okay, obviously there are too many extremely complicated and angsty problems to resolve in just one blog post, but I had to put some of these thoroughly incomplete thoughts into words before I drove myself completely insane. So, just to add a little more angst to the equation, I'll close with some Tom Petty lyrics. Okay, so Tom Petty's really not angsty at all, but we'll just say that today he is.
Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down
Gonna stand my ground
And I wont back down
- Tom Petty
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